> HEEKEE vol The Parole Officer Wants to Borrow the Forklift (allegedly)

HEEKEE vol  THE PAROLE OFFICER WANTS TO BORROW THE FORKLIFT (allegedly)9

It's a Tuesday. Officer Zimmerman is on my couch. He's been here 11 minutes. The mood ring on the way over read YELLOW (alert) but it's drifting BLUE-GREEN now because I have offered him a coffee AND I cleaned up the deadlift bar (took the plates off, leaned it discreetly behind the recliner, the recliner is doing god's work as visual cover).

He has a question.

"Heekee," he says, "I'm not here on a violation. I'm here  and I'm gonna be straight with  my brother-in-law's moving on Saturday and I need a forklift."you because

I stare at him. He stares at me. The dog sniffs his boot, decides he smells fine, lays down on his foot. +6 mood. The ring is now full GREEN.

"You... want to borrow the cobot."

"I want to borrow the cobot."

I should say no. I should say a LOT of things. The cobot is, technically, not mine. The cobot is, technically, sponsoring  meaning the cobot's parent company is paying ME a small monthly stipend in exchange for what they call "lifestyle integration content" and what I call "letting a forklift live in my garage." The cobot has not consented to a Saturday side hustle. The cobot, frankly, has been moody since the standup gig.me

But I am a guest in this state. And he is a guest in my home. So I make the call.

"PALLET, you got Saturday open?"

The  who has been listening from the kitchen, where she has been sloooowly charging at a 110V outlet because the 240 hookup is "in next year's  pivots her sensor pod 90 degrees. She hums. She beeps three times. The kitchen light dims briefly. She is thinking.budget" cobot

"PALLET says she'll need overtime. Triple-time Saturdays."

Officer Zimmerman is unfazed. "She drink Hamm's?"

"She drinks 24V DC, but she'll take the gesture."

A handshake is performed. It is between Officer Zimmerman and a forklift. The mood ring on my desk flips to a color I have never seen before, which I am calling INDIGO-NEUTRAL. It indicates that something CIVILIZATIONALLY UNUSUAL has happened, but it is not a parole violation, and that's the only metric the ring really cares about.

Saturday comes. The cobot is at Officer Zimmerman's brother-in-law's place at 9 sharp. She moves a couch, three pallets of basement contents, and one upright piano. She does NOT move the deadlift  she will not work on uncertified  but she WILL film the rest of us moving it, and she WILL upload that footage to her TikTok where she has 411,000 followers under the handle @PALLET_9000_OFFICIAL. Officer Zimmerman appears in the cameo. He is identified in the comments as "the cool PO." He is, briefly, a meme.concrete platform

The Hamm's at the end of the move (consumed by humans only) is the best Hamm's of the season. Officer Zimmerman does not drink one. He says he's still on duty. We all pretend to believe him.

The next mood ring read, three days later, is BLUE-GREEN baseline.

Mood index: 81/100.
Visit duration: 6 minutes.
Notes: he asked about the dog.

That's the system working. That's Wisconsin.

heekee


play along at home:
PO mood ring:           https://zewp.com/z/poring.html
sweaty dock rat critique: https://zewp.com/z/dockrat.html
hamm's gut buster sim:   https://zewp.com/z/gutbuster.html
heekee origin myth:      https://zewp.com/z/mythoorigin.html
hangover triage:         https://zewp.com/z/hangtri.html
heekee fortune cookie:   https://zewp.com/z/heefortune.html

vol 10 forthcoming. it involves the F-350 in a parking garage with 6.5 ft clearance. the F-350 has opinions.