Supper Club Old Fashioned Calculator
BRANDY-BY-DEFAULT // WISCONSIN STATUTES TIT.43 SUBSEC.OLD FASHIONED
your supper club has put an Old Fashioned in front of you. Is it correct? Let us calculate.
The Drink
spirit
Korbel brandy (CORRECT)
Christian Bros brandy (also correct)
Other brandy
Bourbon (acceptable but you're not from here)
Rye (showing off)
Vodka (call the police)
sweet or sour
Sweet (default, correct)
Press
Sour
"What's the difference" — house just made a mai tai
soda style
7-Up / Sprite (sweet)
Sour mix + 7-Up (sweet-sour blend)
Squirt (regional flex)
Plain club soda (heretic)
fruit garnish
orange slice + 2 maraschino cherries (canon)
orange + 1 cherry
orange + cherry + cocktail onion (FLEX)
orange + cherry + onion + olive (HEEKEE TIER)
just a cherry
twist of lemon (you are in the wrong state)
muddle situation
orange + cherry + sugar muddled (canon)
orange muddled, cherry whole
simple syrup, no muddle
nothing muddled, just stirred
bitters
2 dashes Angostura
3+ dashes (heavy hand)
Angostura + orange bitters (chef's)
none (illegal)
ice
standard cubes, full pour
one big cube (city move)
crushed (tiki energy)
price ($)
supper club vibe
dim, leather booths, prime rib special on the wall
also has relish tray and crackers (S TIER)
standard, fine
renovated recently, it's lighter now (concerning)
actually a TGI Friday's wearing a costume
bartender
50+ year old woman who knew your dad
guy who's been there since 1991
both, working in tandem
new kid, trying his best
JUDGE THIS DRINK
place the glass on the bar coaster. step back. let it speak.
satire — but also genuinely accurate