> Corporate Buzzword Autopsy: We Will Ethically Impact Every Low Hanging Fruit

I got the all-hands memo this morning and I think my soul just filed for unemployment.

Our development lifecycle enables end-to-end, cloud native agile workflows. It's critical that we give 110% when intelligently leveraging clouds. Iteratively touching base about reusing user experiences will make us leaders in the actionable innovation industry. Efficiencies will come from reliably relaying our best practices. Virtually innovating globally holistic market foci is crucial to our long-term stack. So we can hit the ground running, we will be ethically impacting every low hanging fruit in our space.

I read that twice. Then I checked if someone had slipped ketamine into the coffee. Nope. Just another Tuesday in the priesthood of the dying church formerly known as software.

In the future, will you be able to proactively transform game changers in your business? It's critical that we give 110% when dynamically facilitating paradigm shifts. Key players will take ownership of their brands by strategically virtualising world-class growth hackers. Conservatively growing effectively next-generation capabilities is crucial to our mission critical enterprise.

Notice how nobody ever says what the fuq the product actually does. Nobody names a customer. Nobody mentions a bug, a deadline, a ship date, or a single human who will pay money. Just endless verbs that used to mean something before they got gang-banged by MBA consultants and left for dead in a Miro board.

Our Competitive Executive Search solution offers industry leaders a suite of wholesale offerings. Our business engineers ballpark figures to globally and effectively strategize our company-wide stand-up. Is your organic growth prepared for best-in-class digital nomad growth? We use our best-of-breed imagineerings to intelligently manage our NFT expectations. Key players will take ownership of their team players by virtually productizing senior creators. Corporate intrapreneurs are becoming mobile architecture experts.

I want to find the guy who wrote "best-of-breed imagineerings" and make him explain it while I hold his LinkedIn Premium subscription over a wood chipper. Same for "virtually productizing senior creators." That sentence has the same relationship to English that a glory hole has to romance. Pure functional orifice. Nothing else left.

This is the language of people who stopped building anything years ago. Real engineers get licensed and put their name on bridges that either stand or kill people. These clowns put their name on Slack threads about "actionable innovation industry" and go home feeling like they moved the needle. The needle never moved. The needle is dead. They just keep describing the corpse in more expensive synonyms.

Hit the ground running. Ethically impact the low hanging fruit. Dynamically facilitate the paradigm shift. Strategically virtualise the growth hackers. Manage the NFT expectations with your best-of-breed imagineerings.

Somewhere a junior is taking notes. Somewhere a director is nodding. Somewhere a CTO is already drafting the next one that will say the exact same nothing with three new adjectives.

I used to write code. Now I write about writing about code. Next quarter we'll be writing about the writing about the writing, and someone will call it a platform play.

If your organic growth is not prepared for best-in-class digital nomad growth, please stand up during the stand-up and identify yourself so we can ethically impact you first.