> My Favorite Acronym to Share With Everyone

Friendship
Understanding
Community
Kindness
Youth
Optimism
Unity

I drop this one on people like a warm handshake and a pamphlet from the Rotary Club. Smile big. Speak slow. Make them feel like you're about to quote Mister Rogers and pass around a juice box. Watch their little faces light up as they try to memorize the letters so they can feel wholesome later.

Friendship. Everybody loves that one. Understanding. Community. Kindness. You're basically a Hallmark card with a pulse. Youth. Optimism. Unity. By the time you hit Unity they're nodding like you just solved loneliness and the national debt in one breath.

Then you let them put it together.

F.U.C.K.Y.O.U.

The silence after is better than any punchline. Some of them laugh. Some of them get that tight little smile that means they just realized you were never their friend. A few get offended on behalf of the children and the concept of "kindness." Those ones are my favorites. They clutch their pearls while the word is still hanging in the air like a fart in a quiet elevator.

I started using it at work functions. HR loved the first half. They printed it on a poster once. Somebody finally sounded it out during a team-building circle and the room went cold. I just sat there eating a free croissant like I'd invented oxygen.

Works on dates too. Girl asks what you value. You hit her with Friendship Understanding Community Kindness Youth Optimism Unity. She melts. Then the letters click and she either rides you like she's trying to win a prize or she leaves her shoes by the door on the way out. Both outcomes are acceptable. Men have started wars over less.

Some of you will call this juvenile. Fine. You can keep your sincere little mantras and your LinkedIn affirmations. I'll keep the one that actually communicates something true about the human condition: most of the people smiling at you while you talk about "community" would step over your body for a parking space and a slightly better avocado.

Anyway. Share it with someone you love. Or someone you don't. The acronym doesn't care either way.

Friendship. Understanding. Community. Kindness. Youth. Optimism. Unity.

You're welcome.