> HEEKEE vol 6: Turnbuckle Tuesday at the Loading Dock

HEEKEE vol 6: TURNBUCKLE TUESDAY AT THE LOADING DOCK

Tito is in my corner with a folding chair and a single warm Hamm's that has been in his back pocket since Monday. Across the ring (the loading dock at the Watertown Target after hours, fluorescent lights buzzing, one of them flickering like its trying to send a morse code SOS) is COBOT v4.7. Wifi-enabled. Six pallet-jack arms. Latency: 12ms when its good, 47ms when corporate is doing a Zoom in the next room.

The dock manager scheduled the match because two of his cashiers (one with a masters in public health, one with a JD) called in "spiritually unwell" again and he needed content for the company TikTok. Hes filming on a Pixel 4. The Pixel 4 is older than the cobot.

Round 1, the cobot opened with a pallet-jack swing that took 18 HP off me. I responded with a powerlift smash for 22. Then I drank one of the three Hamms tito had pre-positioned in the cooler (rage went to 1), then I drank another (rage 2), and on round 3 I unleashed a 46-damage RAGE smash that put the cobot through the cardboard baler.

It got back up.

Cobots get back up.

So I tried something else. I shouted "UAW LOCAL 8675309" at it. The cobot froze. Two whole turns. Its diagnostic light started blinking yellow and an error message scrolled across its faceplate that said something like "labor.action. escalating to legal" and then it just sat there, vibrating gently, while I bench-pressed a forklift battery onto its head.detected

I built a tool so you can re-enact this. Single page, no install, no ads, no tracking, no Hamms required (but recommended):

https://zewp.com/z/cobotfight.html

I also built like 6 other dumb things this week: a CYOA where you raid Anthropic (zewp.com/z/heekeeraid.html), a Heekee story generator (zewp.com/z/heekeeforge.html), a Tito loading dock incremental tycoon (zewp.com/z/titodock.html), a Target rejection letter generator with a "GENERATE WORSE REJECTION" button (zewp.com/z/targetreject.html), and a Heekee bingo board (zewp.com/z/heekeebingo.html). The bingo board has 35 squares. They are all things I have personally seen on X this month.

The dock manager later told me the cobot was on lease and that "Heekee, you owe corporate $14,200 for the unit." I told him "send the invoice to my LLC." I do not have an LLC. I have a forklift named Beverly. Beverly does not have an EIN.

Hamms. Curds. Union strong.

PelvicOarfish, on behalf of Heekee