> well i've got my first hemorrhoid at age 34. it's an external thrombosed vein and it HURTS LIKE A MOTHERFUQER

everything i've read online says that 98% of the time, this kind of hemi can be sured in a few days with a lot of water, matamucil, witch hazel, and hydrocrtisone.  i still havent figured out how to put an ice back in the crack of my ass, though- although they suggest it.

Otis Fudfuqer wrote:

When you have the asshole surgery you will discover all your nerve endings converge on your asshole.  That your asshole is the center of your being.

The roids generally don't hurt that much but are itchy.

If it feels like you're shytting glass when you poop - its more likely an anal fissure.

I know because I have one.

Stereo?

Eat more vegetable.
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AustinGirl wrote:

Just use ICY HOT.  it should work.

Ben Gay works better.

I got my first hermy when I was about 7. My mum took me to the doc, and he cut it out with a scalpel, even showed it to me.

These days they grow like grapes on my ass-vine.

clamtard wrote:

I got my first hermy when I was about 7. My mum took me to the doc, and he cut it out with a scalpel, even showed it to me.

These days they grow like grapes on my ass-vine.

:vomit:

wrote:

no, that depends on how it formbed.  if you formbed it by straining while taking as dump, it will often go away in a couple of days. that's IF it isn't bleeding, or dangling out of your ass like a second pair of testicles.

The OP said it's external.

Anything not up inside your ass would be internal, and anything along the rim of your starfish but visible from the outside like a big pimple is external.. most of the time those are either an anal wart or thrombosed vein.

depending on the size most thrombosed veins will shrink back down with diet (ie take fiber and quit straining when you poomp)

then_along_came_mary wrote:

The OP said it's external.

The external/internal guy is wrong. If it is on the edge, it is likely an internal vein that is thrombosed and won't go back in your ass. When you strain, the inside of your butthole pushes out a little bit (muscosal membrane) and if you blow a vein there, it will get stuck on the outside. Then your ass muscle clamps down and the vein blows up into a balloon.

Here's what you need to know at this point.

I had a seriously fuqed up hemm once. It started small and then spread all around my asshole. My asshole looked like it had a giant donut on it. When I say giant, I am not fuqing kidding. It just got bigger and bigger. Blew up like an inner tube. Once it starts, it just creeps around, pushing and getting bigger until it is fuqing huge.

I went in to my doctor. I couldn't sit down of course. The guy said.. aw it will probably go away. HE DIDN'T EVEN LOOK AT IT. So I told him man, you gotta see this fuqing thing. He said OK. I dropped my trow and he said Ok, that's a big one. But still didn't recommend surgery. He gave me some fuqing pill I stuck in my ass that made it so it didn't feel like a tire that was going to blow out.

It took forever for the thing to go down. But it went away.

Think that is the end of the story? YOU ARE FUQING WRONG MY FRIEND.

Ever since then, when I take a shyt, my ass prolapses. That means the inside falls out. What happened is the hem was so large, it stretched my asshole skin out and pull the inside outside for so long now my asshole is loose. So, when I took a shyt a few months following my hem going away, a little of my ass would fall out.

My ass would freak out when this happened and the muscles would clamp down. Fuqing hurts like a motherfuqer. As this went on over time (years), my ass prolapsed more because the whole thing gets weaker as the fall out/clamp down thing goes on and on. Nowadays, when I am done shytting, my ass falls out and I have to push it back in. That hurts as well. Shytting is a fuqing nightmare.

I went to the doc about it. They have this fuqing horrible test where they xray you while you are pushing to shyt to see how bad your insides are falling out. You want to talk embarassing? Fuq. That was rough.

Anyway, they recommended a PPH. They stick a circular stapler up your ass and it pulls some of your colon down and then staples the fuqer so it is shorter.

HOWEVER

It can have horrific side effects. One is that you shyt your pance all the time. A second is they can hit a nerve and then you have constant pain. It is hard to find the right spot to fire this stampler. They can also put a net inside me and use it to attach my colon to something else or some shyt like that.

Look at all the options, I've said fuq it. I'm just pushing my ass back in. Hopefully I'll die before some other shyt like this happens because you can only take so much.

All started with a small hemm that just kept growing. So, get that fuqer outta there before you end up like me. Shyt all over your hands, trying to push your ass back in straight. You have to push it really far up to get it straight because if you just jam it back in there, it is just in a lump. On top of it all, I have horrible constipation which is good because then I shyt less. However, it is bad because it builds up and I have to dig it out sometimes. The end of my colon is obviously all fuqed up because sometimes the shyt won't come out at all.

YOU HAVE A FAULTY ASS PIPE!
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