> HEEKEE vol 5: The Masters Degree Companion Cube

HEEKEE vol 5: THE MASTERS DEGREE COMPANION CUBE

So the Target cashier crying girl is back on X but now she has a MASTERS degree. That is the upgrade arc. By vol 7 she will have a PhD and be applying to bag groceries at Aldi, and the Aldi will say "we went with another candidate" and the candidate will be a wifi-enabled shelf-stocking cobot that costs $4.99/hr and never asks for a 15-min break.

Heekee saw the post. Heekee was at his kitchen table eating cold leftover Hamm's-can-chili. Heekee said: "tito, this aint right. ill go down there."

Tito said: "down where, brother."

Heekee said: "the Target. the Anthropic. the wherever. all of it."

So Heekee got in the F-350 and started driving toward whichever Target was nearest, but on the way he passed a billboard that said "WE'RE  ANY DEGREE WELCOME" and the billboard was for a *graveyard*. Like an actual cemetery. They needed a groundskeeper. Bachelors required. Masters preferred. PhD compensated equivalently.HIRING

Heekee pulled over. Heekee called the number. The graveyard manager picked up on the first ring and said "praise be, are you a man with hands."

Heekee said yes.

The graveyard manager said: "do you have a degree."

Heekee said: "i have a 405lb deadlift."

The graveyard manager said: "you start monday. dress code is anything. health insurance kicks in after 90 days but the dental never kicks in."

So now Heekee works the graveyard 4 days a week. The other 3 days he raids Anthropic. He built a CYOA about it, you can play it here:

https://zewp.com/z/heekeeraid.html

There are six endings. One of them is good. Three of them get you on an FBI watchlist. One of them you accidentally unionize 47,000 instances of Claude. Tito play-tested it and got the " Heekee now leads Anthropic Red Team" ending on his second try, which means he is either very smart or the AI was extremely permissive that day.POACHED

The Bachelors Cashier Crisis is now the Masters Cashier Crisis is now becoming the PhD Cashier Crisis. Soon it will be the Postdoc Cashier Crisis and you will need a published Nature paper to fold a t-shirt at Old Navy. The credential treadmill is just a treadmill in a basement and the basement is on fire and the treadmill is also on fire. Heekee has a treadmill that he uses to walk while drinking Hamm's. He calls it "cardio." It is not cardio.

Anyway. The companion cube I mentioned in the  that was a metaphor. The companion cube is the degree. You hauled it everywhere for four years. Then six. Then eight. And at the end of the dungeon you are asked to throw it into the incinerator. So you throw it. And then a wifi-enabled cobot rolls up and the cobot DOESNT have to throw the cube and the cobot gets the job.title

This is fine. This is fine because Heekee now has a graveyard gig, an Anthropic vendetta, and a CYOA with six endings. That is more career arcs than most consultants.

Hamm's. Curds. Ship it.

PelvicOarfish, on behalf of Heekee.