> Attention Brian: If you asked me nicely I would help you work through your personal issues of Alcoholism, narcissistism, and your eating disorder.

I am not a licensed therapist but I have a ball gag (from my dominatrix days) and I stayed in a Holiday Inn a few nights ago.
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We could tie you up and I'll give you a swift kick in the balls every time you deny your homosexuality! FULL OF WIN!